Let’s Make Eye Contact

A few things about this project are going to change in the near future.

Photos

I notice that most of the photos I take feature the participant on the right side of the image. I like this composition, but want to experiment with alternative framing, probably placing the participant on the left, just to see if that also looks good.

Language

I am contemplating a number of changes in language:

"Experiment"

Experiment is the word I use to describe what I'm doing. I may start start using "exercise," "practice," or "project" instead. I have a somewhat formal process for carrying out my interactions and documenting the results, so "experiment" works and is appropriate. But my intention is to continue to engage in this behavior after the 30 days is up, although I may not put pressure on myself to do it every day and may not document it as verbosely. So while there is certainly an experimental aspect to this, at the core this is more of an exercise or practice for me. Even if I am not documenting it, I still want it to be a part of my daily life.

Introduction / Pitch

Leading in with "I am doing an experiment in which..." is like using training wheels. It frames the interaction as "scientific" or "research" and makes it less personal, less vulnerable, and safer. It hides, to a certain degree, my personal motivations for doing what I'm doing. Which is OK. These training wheels have helped me get out there and get the project off the ground. The experiment framing helps me to approach people with whom I might not personally feel compelled to make eye contact, i.e. to invite to be vulnerable and make a connection.

More people are saying "yes" to making eye contact with me than I expected. I wonder, does the less personal nature established by the experiment framework make it safer for strangers to accept my proposal? Will the frequency with which I get a "yes" decrease if I make my introduction more personal?

Perhaps something like this:

1. Optionally start with "I have [a bit of] an unusual request..." or "[I know] This may be [a bit of] an unusual request..." at my discretion.

2. Then tell them what's up:

Version A: "I would like to invite you to make eye contact with me [for 60 seconds]." (Least vulnerable way without the experiment framing. Establishes what I want to invite them to do before actually extending the invitation, and doesn't explicitly say that this is what I want to do.)

Version B: "I want to invite you to make eye contact with me [for 60 seconds]." (More vulnerable. Now I'm saying that this is something I want to do, yet I still mention the invitation before actually asking, which primes them for the ask and adds a little distance.)

Version C: "I would like to make eye contact with you [for 60 seconds." (Drop the mention of the invitation and just say what I'm interested in doing. This is more vulnerable, but "would like" is less vulnerable than "I want" in my mind, so I've reverted to that for balance.)

Version D: "I want to make eye contact with you [for 60 seconds]." (I am most vulnerable, expressing what I want directly. This is also pretty abrupt. Since what I am doing is unusual, it may be better to give people a bit of a lead-in before going for the ask.)

3. Then actually ask them. Some variations include:

Version A: "Is this something you'd be willing to do with me?" (Least vulnerable.)

Version B: "Is this something you'd like to do with me?" (Wanting to do something is more vulnerable than just being willing to do it.)

Version C: "Would you be willing to do this with me?" (Drop the lead-in, revert "like" to "be willing" for balance.)

Version D: "Would you like to do this with me?" (Most direct, and I think most vulnerable proposition for the stranger.)

It's important to me to actually ask (doing step 3) and not to just mention the invitation (stopping after step 2 and not doing step 3).

I'm not sure which change(s) I'll make, or when, but I'll write about them when they occur.

Name + Photo Ask

I usually say something like "The last thing I ask participants is..." or "The other things I ask participants is..." and I want to work on this. I want the segue to be smoother and I want to use a different word in place of "participants" but I am not yet sure how to change the phrasing.

Leave-Behind

Currently I hand-write the project name and blog URL for each participant on a piece of paper torn from my journal. I've ordered a set of mini business cards from moo.com to replace this make-shift process. The cards have a picture of my eye on one side. The other side has the project name, blog URL, and enough space to write a short personalized message for each person. I'll begin giving these out when I pick them up in Portland in about one week's time.

I approach the coffee shop and see a girl sitting outside at a table by herself with her headphones in her ears and looking at her phone. Immediately, I know this is the person who I will ask to make eye contact with me today.

After ordering my coffee, picking my seat, and writing a leave-behind, I collect my journal, camera, and timer and walk outside to greet her.

"Hello," I say. She greets me back.

I decide to change my introduction a bit today.

"I would like to invite you to participate in an experiment."

"Every day I ask a stranger to make eye contact with me for 60 seconds. Is this something you'd be willing to do with me?"

She looks a bit puzzled. I think maybe she is confused, or doesn't understand. Perhaps it's just taking her brain a little extra effort to process my unusual proposal.

"60 seconds?" she asks. From her accent I guess that English isn't a native language for her. Since I think we may have a language barrier to overcome I sit down in the other chair at her table and explain the proposal differently.

"I have a timer," I say, showing it to her, "and when I start it we will make eye contact - look at each other. We won't look away, and we won't talk. We'll do this for one minute. Okay? Want to do it?"

"Okay," she says. I check to make sure that she won't be looking into the sun. Our positioning looks good. So we begin.

I feel immediately relaxed and happy that she has consented. Her eye contact is steady, constant. I sense that she is relaxed, too. A few times during the session I am aware of the changing shape of my mouth. A smile, blank, pressing my lips together, relaxed. I notice that her lips are doing this, too. A few times she smiles. I also smile once or twice. A subtle laugh just past the midpoint, just an exhale through the nose and the slightest vocalization. Her eyes are very dark. Brown I think, but very deep. It's difficult to tell the difference between the iris and the pupil. I think I can see the outline of a contact lens in her left eye, but I am not sure. If other participants have been wearing contacts, I haven't noticed.

The timer expires and we're done. After a brief pause I introduce myself, shake her hand, and learn her name: Manami.

I recognize this as a Japanese name and ask if she is Japanese. She says that she is. I say a few sentences to her in Japanese. We talk about Rilakkuma, who I am carrying with me today. I point to my table where his head is sticking out of the top of my backpack. I'm way out of practice speaking Japanese, but I can say my most practiced words and expressions. It goes well and I'm glad I tried.

"The other thing I ask my participants is if I may use their first name and their photograph on my blog where I am writing about my experiences. Is that OK? May I use your name and take your picture?"

"Yes," she says.

I tell her that I'll give her a leave-behind with the blog URL where she can read where I write about our experience and the experiences I've had with other people, too.

I take her picture

Today I will not wait until the end of the day to make eye contact with someone.

I'm in a brunch place and I notice an Asian girl come in and get a table by herself in the corner. She's having a meal alone and seems to be keeping to herself. Sometimes she has her headphones on. "Will she consider my interruption an rude intrusion into her personal space and time?" I wonder as I consider approaching her. In my mind, the probability that she will reject me is higher because of the circumstances (headphones) and because she's Asian.

(I am not quite sure why I think this will be the case, but there it is. I hope that through this experiment I can drop my assumptions about people based on how they look, where I believe them to be from, and what perspectives, cultural or otherwise, I expect them to have. I hope I can teach myself to think differently, more openly, with fewer prejudices and assumptions.)

So I really don't know how she'll react. And I'm nervous. Which means this is a perfect opportunity. I know I have to do it. I know that after I approach her, regardless of how it goes, I'll feel totally differently, and I'm ready for that.

I use the washroom, prepare a leave-behind for her, pack my backpack, and walk over to her table. I notice that she is not wearing her headphones now.

"Hello," I say.

She responds with a friendly "hello" of her own.

After a brief pause I pitch the experiment to her. I do not lead in with the "unusual request" bit.

"Okay" she says.

I sit in the chair across from her, explain the parameters, and ask again if she's willing to do this with me. This time my explanation of the parameters is a bit different, because I mention that after the eye contact I'll give her a leave-behind with the URL of the blog where she can see what I write about our experience.

"Okay," she says again.

I start the timer and we make eye contact. Her eyes are a soft brown. She seems relaxed. I am, too. First her arms down by her sides, then resting on the table, then in front of her body. Periodically she blinks slowly, intentionally. (She is first person I have noticed doing this.) Once, she quickly glances away to her left. At one point during the second half of the session I smile. Mostly, our faces are relaxed, and the experience (for me) is pleasant. The timer beeps.

"What did you think about the experiment?" I ask her.

"It's fun!" she says.

I introduce myself and learn that her name is Cindy. We shake hands.

She says her English is not very good. She is here studying English. I asked her where she's from. She says Korea. We talk a little about Korea. I tell her I was living there earlier this year and we talk about that. We talk about my job. She is from a city near Busan. She likes Victoria very much and doesn't want to return to Korea, but she will because she's in university there.

Interestingly, she doesn't ask me why I am doing this project.

I ask her if I may use her name and photograph on the blog, and she says, "Sure, why not?" Awesome!

I get my journal, which has the scrap of paper with the blog URL in it, and my camera out of my backpack, and she makes little fixes to her appearance for the photograph.

After she approves the photo I give her the scrap of paper. I wish her an enjoyable time in Victoria and success in her English studies.

The last thing I tell her, which is not what I usually tell participants, is that she can find my email address on this blog and she's welcome to email me if she has any thoughts or feelings she'd like to share about the experience later, or if she'd like an English pen pal.

I wish her nice day and leave the restaurant feeling high, confident, attractive, awake, alive, and relaxed. Yes!

It may be appropriate to start referring to this project as an exercise instead of an experiment.

I've been in front of the computer all day. I have not taken a break to be social at any point during the day. And it's dark now. I'm done with work and I go home. I have an intention from earlier in the day to go out to this chill space tonight, but I don't want to. I'm not "on" or feeling social. I don't feel present. I feel like a computer, way less empathetic than I know I am capable of being, kind of distant, glazed over.

I also haven't made eye contact with anyone today. I really, really don't want to let today go by without doing it... But I'm tempted to forgive it, justifying the skip by noting that on two days I asked two people when I didn't need to do that.

I'm so close to opening a beer and staying at home, but I don't. One step at a time, I go out. I am not thinking about being tired, or not feeling social, or any of the other excuses I have for not going out.

One step at a time. This is how I get myself to do things that I know will make me happy but that I don't, in the moment, feel like doing. Grab my things: keys, wallet, lip balm, camera, and timer for LMEC. Take my journal and a book, too. Sandals on, leave the house, get in the car, and drive towards downtown. I'm doing it now.

...

So I show up at the chill space and so many of my friends are there! Yay! But before I can be social I know I need to take care of business. I know that if I do the experiment with someone, whether or not the outcome is rejection, I will get a huge boost, the switch will get flipped, and I'll be in social mode.

I leave the couch where my friends and I are sitting and case the place, walking to the back of the room and then returning to the couch. I tell my friends I'm going to go do my experiment. "Fuck it, time to go," I say and I get up and walk over to a table of three women.

Usually I approach a single person. A few times I have approached a pair. Tonight I am intentionally approaching a larger group of three people for the first time.

I ask them if I may interrupt their conversation for three minutes. "Yes," they say. The woman to my right seems... Suspicious? And perhaps amused. They don't know what this is about! I am aware of it and think it's delicious. Already I am feeling much better, just by breaking the ice.

I sit down and quickly survey each of them, then point to the woman across from me.

"You!" I say, pausing for emphasis. I propose the experiment to her.

The woman to my right asks if this is a grad student project. "No," I tell her mid-sentence, and finish my proposal.

The woman across from me considers for a second, and asks if she may ask why I'm doing this. I tell her that she may ask, and that I'll answer after we do the eye contact.

She hesitates, says that it's going to be hard, then consents.

She tells her companions (somewhat jokingly, somewhat serious, I think) that they also can't talk during the 60 seconds.

I start the timer. She speaks right away. She glances away to look at her glass, and picks it up to take a drink of water. After that, we aren't interrupted...

Until, suddenly, she sits back, disengages, and breaks eye contact.

"OK, that's enough," she declares.

This is a first!

I keep looking at her. Then I look at my timer. It's around five seconds from beeping. I show it to her, then the timer beeps.

She was uncomfortable. Introduce myself, and she tells me her name is Sara, without an H. The other two women join the conversation. We talk about the "why." One of the women guesses that I am not from Victoria. We talk about my travels, what brings me to Victoria, and Burning Man. I tell Sara the URL of this blog and she types it into her phone. I get the names of the other two women: the woman in the middle is Alysha, and the woman to my right is Wil.

Sara doesn't consent to the use of her photograph. She tells me that she's a teacher and is very careful about the photos of her that appear online. So I do not take her portrait.

I thank them for the conversation and excuse myself to return to my friends. As I knew would be the case, I am high and ready to be social.

...

Later in the evening, a couple of beers later, I am at the bar and Sara, Alysha, and Wil come over. Looks like they're on their way out. I say "hi" to them. One of them points to a woman who is sitting nearby and tells me I should make eye contact with her. She says something like, "she would do it."

I sense that they are pressuring me to make eye contact with this other woman!

I can't believe it, am surprised, and not sure how to respond.

I say something like, "no, I'm done with it for tonight, and I'm too drunk to do it."

I'm not drunk, but it's true that I'm not sober. I prefer to do this experiment when I'm sober. And, disregarding that, I simply don't want to make eye contact with the person they have set their sights on at this time. It's not that I wouldn't include this particular woman in the experiment, ever. I just don't want to make eye contact now.

...

Looking back, what I wish I would have pointed out is that participation in the experiment is always consensual. I consent, and the person I invite consents. Just because I am asking a lot of people to make eye contact, at least one each day, doesn't mean that I want to or am willing to make eye contact with anyone at any time. My consent to make eye contact is required, and it is not implicitly given.

Consent requires all parties involved. Even if the woman they are indicating would consent, that doesn't mean that I consent.

I wish I had said something like this.

We made eye contact as I passed and she smiled a little smile.

I kept walking, about 3 meters, then stopped, pivoted, and walked back to her.

In response to my usual introduction, she tells me that she's usually pretty shy but will try it.

We begin making eye contact. Her chin quivers a little, as if she's trying to stifle a laugh. I break my "no talking" rule and tell her it's OK to laugh.

"I hope so," she says.

Her eyes move left and right quickly while we're gazing at each other. I wonder what she's thinking and feeling, what exactly she's looking at. I feel relaxed. This session is another in which we're standing up instead of the usual sitting down. Both of us are leaning against a wall.

The timer expires.

She asks me what I get out of this experiment. I like the wording of her question, it's not what people usually ask me. I answer her question, and at the end of my list of motivations/benefits I usually list writing practice, which segues in to mentioning this blog, and my request to use her name and photograph.

She consents! (But only if she can fix her hair. These terms are acceptable. We have a deal.)

She has an interesting name: Karsen-rae. I check the spelling and write it down in my notebook.

We talk about her name. It occurs to me that this experiment is helping me to remember names. We talk about her introversion and shyness and the difference between the two qualities. I ask her what she got out of the experience. She says it was interesting. I comment that I noticed her eyes moving back and forth during our session, and she tells me that she was looking at both of my eyes, and my glasses, and she considered if it was OK to look at my nose, too. She says that during the session she thought "oh shit, my eyes are moving way more than his!" She says that making eye contact with someone for more than a few seconds is intimate. I agree. She tells me that our eye contact made her want to make out with me. We talk about that. This is the second time that a partner in the experiment has said this to me. I wonder how many people have thought this and did not tell me?

We talk a bit more about various things, the circumstances of our meeting, what she's up to today. This is an unexpectedly pleasant conversation. I like that we're hanging out here talking for a while after our eye contact session. It occurs to me during our talk that I don't know how old Karsen is, but I believe she is the youngest person with whom I've done LMEC.

I wish her well and head back to my office.

P.S. Karsen, please let me know if I got the spelling, capitalization, and hyphenation of "Karsen-rae" correct or not. (Specifically the "-rae" part!) Just want to triple check!

Initially, my goal today was to ask someone who isn't Caucasian.

But I waited. I didn't leave the office for lunch until it was later in the day and it was raining. I needed to eat first, so I didn't ask anyone on the way to lunch. After lunch, it was still raining. Harder. I was walking around, exploring the neighborhood. Most people who were out were either going somewhere or waiting for the bus. I encountered only a few non-Caucasian people. There just didn't seem to be a lot of opportunities to approach people in which it wouldn't be really inconvenient and result in one of us getting wet. And my hands were full carrying a shopping bag and my umbrella. I didn't just want to approach someone in a really inconvenient situation and get a trivial rejection, so I kept on walking.

(Actually, OK. There was a woman who was waiting for a bus under a bus shelter. She was black and a little older than me, probably in her late 30's, early 40's. Perfect for today's challenge. I thought that I could ask her. I thought she might even say "yes." But I was nervous about asking her with so many other people around to overhear. So I didn't.)

I went back to my office and decided that I would pick a different challenge.

Tonight is the night I approach someone in a bar. I will challenge the environment instead of the "kind of person."

I head over to my favorite place that's closest to work. The establishment is narrow and deep, with a long bar running the length of the room on the left and booths on the right. I walk in and immediately notice my friends sitting down near the other end of the bar. This is not something I planned on, but whatever, they're awesome. It doesn't actually make this harder. They wave at me. I go over to them.

It's Steve. He introduces me to his friend, Paul. They ask me what I'm doing here, and I tell them that I'm here to find a person to participate in my experiment. I guess I haven't talked about LMEC with them yet, because they ask me about it. (Of course, Paul wouldn't know about it.) So I tell them what it's about. While we're talking, I glance to my right and notice a guy sitting at a table, his back to me, using his phone. He's alone. I know this is the guy to approach.

I pardon myself from my friends' company and go to engage my next participant.

Me: "Hi!"

Him: "Hi!"

Me: "I have a bit of an unusual request."

Pause.

Me: "Every day I ask a stranger to make eye contact with me for 60 seconds. Does this seem like something you'd be willing to do with me?"

Him: "Sure."

Me: "OK. Here's how it works. I have a timer that's set for 60 seconds. When I start it we'll make eye contact, we won't look away, and we won't talk. Still want to do it?"

Him: "Sure."

I sit down in the chair next to his.

He asks if that's all there is to it.

I say that that's it, and afterwards we can talk about it or I can just go away.

We get right to it. I start the timer, it beeps, and we begin.

His eye contact is focused! He has deep brown eyes. They are a beautiful color. I easily relax into gazing at him.

After a few seconds, surprisingly, he speaks.

"Isn't this how Mormons wed?"

Hah. I don't know.

He talks a bit about what he thinks is part of the Mormon wedding ceremony. But he isn't sure.

I'm not really responding. I thought maybe he heard me say that there's no talking and forgot. Or maybe he'll get the message by my lack of verbal engagement. He doesn't seem to, so I shush him. :)

"Oh!" he says. "I didn't get the no talking part."

I nod. And now we're quiet.

Again, very focused, direct, constant eye contact. This guy doesn't break. I don't even see his eyes change between looking at one of my eyes and the other. His gaze isn't aggressive. It's present, engaged. His eyes are comfortable. I like it! His eyes are so nice to look into.

Before you know it, the timer beeps.

"That was fast!" he says.

"Yeah," I say.

"I'm Josh."

"Neil."

We shake hands.

We exchange a few words that I can't remember.

I tell him about the next part of the experiment and he consents to the use of his name and and photograph.

Yes!

While I'm getting my camera out of my pocket he asks me about my motivation for this. First time someone's used that word before.

I tell him.

I take his picture. First one is fuzzy, and his eyes aren't fully open. I take another. I show it to him and he says it's good.

This is his picture.

Wasting no time today.

Drove downtown to go to work. Parked. While arranging things in my car, notice a guy standing at the railing at street level, above the parking lot, overlooking the harbor.

Hmm, I've never done eye contact so early in the morning. Why not ask him? No read on if he'll be a willing participant or not. I can't get a good look at him from this far away. I ponder this while I walk up the stairs to the crosswalk, which takes me even further away from him. I look at him from a distance. I don't have much data besides: he's there, and I think he was watching me when I was in the parking lot. He seems like he might be game, but I just don't know.

Let's go for it. I walk towards him and join him at the railing.

"Hello."

"Hello."

I do my thing: unusual request, experiment, every day, eye contact, 60 seconds, yada yada.

"Sure!"

Unexpected! I kind of thought maybe he wouldn't want to. Yay!

I tell him how it works and confirm that he's still willing to participate.

"Sure!"

Aware that he'll be looking into the sun, I ask him he'd like to not look into the sun, and he says it doesn't matter.

I start the timer and we begin.

"It's hard," he says.

"Maybe it's because you're looking into the sun," I reply.

He laughs. We don't speak for the rest of the 60 seconds. I can see more of his right eye than his left, so I look into that one more. We both seem quite relaxed. In the second half of the session I am able to sink into the space between us. I am conscious of the shape of my lips, not quite a smile, not quite not a smile. I feel a vibration in them, like they are twitching, but I know they are not twitching visibly. This has happened to me in other sessions, too. Not sure what's going on there. It occurs to me now (while writing this) that I don't do eye contact with my lips separated, breathing through my mouth. I want to try that next time.

This is also the first time I've made eye contact with someone while standing up.

The timer beeps and I put it away.

"I'm Josh," I say, and extend my hand.

"Lonnie," he says, and we shake hands.

There are no questions from Lonnie regarding the experiment. Interesting! I do not ask him if he has questions, or why he doesn't ask me anything, or remark on how it's unusual that he is just quiet, peaceful after the experiment. I just move into the next and final ask of the experiment.

He says, "Sure!" that I can use his first name and photograph on the blog.

I am pleasantly surprised and pleased.

I take his photograph and show it to him.

Next I pull my journal out of my backpack and give him the leave-behind that I wrote, and did not give away, last night. I also confirm the spelling of his name and write it down.

Before I leave I decide to tell him something about what I experienced during out eye contact. I tell him that he seemed very relaxed to me.

"I try to be," he says.

"This is very relaxing," he adds, indicating the scene of the harbor in front of us.

"I agree."

"Thanks, Lonnie. Be well."

What a great start to my day!

I didn't make eye contact during the day, and now it's dark outside, a little after 8 PM.

I consider not doing the experiment today.

Then I think, "there's no way I'm going to let it go down in the record that I came up with an excuse to not do this two days out of the 30. Go do it."

Tonight I decide to up the ante: I am going to approach someone who I believe is going to reject me, and try to not get rejected.

(I have a number of sub-challenges in the queue. Approaching people who I believe will reject me - explicitly seeking out a rejection - is one of them.)

So I get out of my car, walk to the main street, and put my backpack down on a bench. I straighten my clothes, fix my hair, and write a leave-behind. Now I'm ready.

Crap, this is hard.

I'm nervous. Afraid to approach people. Just like the last time it was dark.

I think people will be suspicious of me. I think I will feel shamed by people, by rejection tonight. Especially if someone rejects me in front of others. I feel like I am doing something wrong. Bothering people. Not being considerate.

There's a particular bar I want to go to for a beer tonight. I decide that I am not going to ask someone in the bar. (That's a challenge for another day.) I will ask someone outside and then go to the bar. I'll use the beer as my reward for completing this challenge. I don't want to ask someone right outside of the bar. I need to be able to retreat to the safety of the bar after I have the interaction I'm about to have, so I start walking down the street.

A man standing smoking a cigarette and using his phone.  I pass a group of 4 guys. A couple. Two women. Walk down the street, turn right. No one. Turn left. Pass a McDonald's. Woman sitting on the steps. Nope, I think she'd consent. At the corner. It's well lit. This is nice for photographs. Guy crossing the street. Ooh, I should aks him. Crap, I can't. He walks by. I stand there. I right right and keep walking. Another guy. Three people on a bench. Turn right. No one for a block. Guy passes me slowly on a skateboard, only one headphone in. I could ask him, but don't.

Then I look to my left and see the homeless woman sitting on the ground in the entryway of a well-lit storefront.

I've been considering this. Asking a homeless person. It's yet another of the challenges I have in the queue.

Tonight I think I have to ask her. I don't think she is going to be willing to participate.

I stand across the street for a long time, deliberating. Eventually, just do it, I walk across the street to where she's sitting.

"Hello."

"Hello."

She's friendly.

I squat down next to her.

She is an older woman: 50's? 60's? Maybe late 40's. Gosh, I don't know. Her face is weathered. She has shoulder-length white/blond hair. I don't remember what she's wearing, but I do notice she is wearing shoes. Sneakers. She has a little bowl of change sitting in front of her. There isn't much money in there, just a few coins.

"I have a bit of an unusual request."

"OK."

"Every day I ask a stranger to make eye contact with me for 60 seconds."

"Is that something you'd be willing to do with me?"

"Sure."

"Are we timing now?"

"No. I have a timer..."

I take it out of my pocket and show it to her.

"Can you give me a dollar?"

I thought this might happen. I hesitate, unsure of what to say.

"I don't have any money..."

(Truth is, I have many 20's in my wallet. But I'm unwilling to tell her that that's what I have and that it's too much for me to give. I consider buying her participation, i.e. that if I pay her, anything, but especially $20, she'll be a willing participant. I guess this isn't against my rules... But I don't know. I haven't attempted to buy anyone's participation yet. And I don't want to.)

I think I ask her again if she's willing to do it.

"60 seconds of my life...," she pauses, "That's too long."

"OK. Would you be willing to do it if it was for only 30 seconds?"

"30 seconds?"

"Yes."

"OK."

I sit down.

"I'm going to set my timer..."

(I can't change my timer on such short notice to only 30 seconds, but I don't tell her this. I consider letting it run for the whole 60 seconds and pretending like it was 30 seconds, but decide that I won't. That's dishonest and I don't want to be. I decide (mentally) that I will stop the experiment when I feel like 30 seconds has gone by.)

I fiddle with it.

"OK, let's start."

I press the timer button.

This lady is surprisingly good at making eye contact, I think. And I am surprisingly relaxed with her. I find myself looking at her face in my peripheral vision. I don't think I've ever looked this long at a homeless person. Her eyes seem... Kind of warm. Maybe even a little playful? I dunno. A little bit in we both smile. I notice her look away only once. A few seconds later she says "it broke."

She says that she looked one way and I looked another way and we broke our eye contact.

I say that that's OK.

We're done with the session now. It ended unoficially when she decided to talk. I didn't feel like I could ask her to resume it, or simply ignore the fact that she spoke, respond non-verbally (as I've done with other people when they speak during the 60 seconds) and carry on with the time. I don't know how much time elapsed, but I can say that the timer didn't expire. It was probably around 30 seconds. Definitely not 40. Maybe a bit shy of 30. 25.

"Um, so the last thing I ask participants is if they're willing to let me use their first name and photograph on my blog where I am writing about this.""

"Would you be willing to do that?"

"I don't think so." (I think is what she said.)

"OK. May I ask your name?"

"Same as this city."

"Victoria?"

"Yep."

I think I tell her my name, but I can't remember. We shake hands.

To be honest, I do think of the photographs I take as trophies. They're one of my favorite parts of this experiment. I love it when I can take someone's photograph. Interesting thing to be honest about.

So I figure, what the hell, I'll try this:

"May I buy your photograph?"

"I don't sell my pictures. I don't even have pictures of myself."

(Looking back, I think she misunderstood what I meant. I meant pay her for consent to take her photograph, not buy one from her.)

"OK," I say.

I thank her for participating in the experiment and wish her a good night, and I walk away.

I walk back across the street the way I came. I think about how I'm grateful that the crosswalk signal was "green" for me to cross, so I don't wait on the same corner where she is sitting.

As I walk away from here and towards the bar I feel like I used someone tonight.

I feel like an asshole.

I am about to return to my car after a few hours of walking along the beach.

But first, I am going to approach this girl sitting on a concrete wall, smoking a cigarette, looking out over the water.

From a distance I can tell she has red hair. That attracts me.

Aaaaand I decide that I am going to speak to her with an English accent, since I've been talking to myself in an English accent this afternoon.

Why not.

"Hello," I say in my "English" accent.

"Hello!" she says.

My farce doesn't last long.

"I don't have an accent," I confess. "I just wanted to do that."

She tells me that she does that, too! We exchange some words, can't recall what about.

I pitch her the experiment.

"Why?"

"I'll tell you after you say 'yes' or 'no.'"

She consents to participate.

I begin explaining the parameters, and I have to work a bit to extract the timer from my pocket. It's kind of stuck in there. I comment on that. Usually I can take it out easily. It's not in the pocket in which I normally keep it.

Timer extracted. She consents. I sit on the wall, start the timer, and we begin.

Immediately she asks if she can blink. I nod in the affirmative and do not respond verbally.

"Oop!" she exclaims, eyes widened, realizing that she spoke during the 60 seconds.

Our eye contact is relaxed and pleasant. She has nice eyes and a pretty face. I notice her cigarette is still lit in her left hand.

(I am writing this on Monday night, and our interaction happened Sunday night. So, unfortunately, I can't recall much else about our time. This is why I always try to write immediately after interacting with someone.)

The timer expires. If I recall correctly, she said that was hard.

"I don't even know if I do that with my boyfriend," she says.

We talk about why I'm doing this experiment, Pirates of the Caribbean, English accents, how she just moved to Victoria from Nelson and is looking for apartments right now, how her boyfriend is moving with her, but hasn't gotten here yet, about her Canadian cigarettes, and... Other stuff I can't remember. She was fun to chat with.

I don't recall what prompted her to say this, but with regards to participating in the experiment, she said that she's on an adventure and decided to say "yes" to a new thing.

I do my usual first name + photo blog request, and she consents. Yay! I take her picture and give her a leave-behind.

We chat more, and then her phone rings. Looks like an apartment callback.

"I'm going to disappear," I tell her. "Good luck on your apartment search." (Or something equivalent.) We hug.

And, right before I walk away and she picks up her phone, I tell her:

"Welcome home."