Let’s Make Eye Contact

Initially, my goal today was to ask someone who isn't Caucasian.

But I waited. I didn't leave the office for lunch until it was later in the day and it was raining. I needed to eat first, so I didn't ask anyone on the way to lunch. After lunch, it was still raining. Harder. I was walking around, exploring the neighborhood. Most people who were out were either going somewhere or waiting for the bus. I encountered only a few non-Caucasian people. There just didn't seem to be a lot of opportunities to approach people in which it wouldn't be really inconvenient and result in one of us getting wet. And my hands were full carrying a shopping bag and my umbrella. I didn't just want to approach someone in a really inconvenient situation and get a trivial rejection, so I kept on walking.

(Actually, OK. There was a woman who was waiting for a bus under a bus shelter. She was black and a little older than me, probably in her late 30's, early 40's. Perfect for today's challenge. I thought that I could ask her. I thought she might even say "yes." But I was nervous about asking her with so many other people around to overhear. So I didn't.)

I went back to my office and decided that I would pick a different challenge.

Tonight is the night I approach someone in a bar. I will challenge the environment instead of the "kind of person."

I head over to my favorite place that's closest to work. The establishment is narrow and deep, with a long bar running the length of the room on the left and booths on the right. I walk in and immediately notice my friends sitting down near the other end of the bar. This is not something I planned on, but whatever, they're awesome. It doesn't actually make this harder. They wave at me. I go over to them.

It's Steve. He introduces me to his friend, Paul. They ask me what I'm doing here, and I tell them that I'm here to find a person to participate in my experiment. I guess I haven't talked about LMEC with them yet, because they ask me about it. (Of course, Paul wouldn't know about it.) So I tell them what it's about. While we're talking, I glance to my right and notice a guy sitting at a table, his back to me, using his phone. He's alone. I know this is the guy to approach.

I pardon myself from my friends' company and go to engage my next participant.

Me: "Hi!"

Him: "Hi!"

Me: "I have a bit of an unusual request."

Pause.

Me: "Every day I ask a stranger to make eye contact with me for 60 seconds. Does this seem like something you'd be willing to do with me?"

Him: "Sure."

Me: "OK. Here's how it works. I have a timer that's set for 60 seconds. When I start it we'll make eye contact, we won't look away, and we won't talk. Still want to do it?"

Him: "Sure."

I sit down in the chair next to his.

He asks if that's all there is to it.

I say that that's it, and afterwards we can talk about it or I can just go away.

We get right to it. I start the timer, it beeps, and we begin.

His eye contact is focused! He has deep brown eyes. They are a beautiful color. I easily relax into gazing at him.

After a few seconds, surprisingly, he speaks.

"Isn't this how Mormons wed?"

Hah. I don't know.

He talks a bit about what he thinks is part of the Mormon wedding ceremony. But he isn't sure.

I'm not really responding. I thought maybe he heard me say that there's no talking and forgot. Or maybe he'll get the message by my lack of verbal engagement. He doesn't seem to, so I shush him. :)

"Oh!" he says. "I didn't get the no talking part."

I nod. And now we're quiet.

Again, very focused, direct, constant eye contact. This guy doesn't break. I don't even see his eyes change between looking at one of my eyes and the other. His gaze isn't aggressive. It's present, engaged. His eyes are comfortable. I like it! His eyes are so nice to look into.

Before you know it, the timer beeps.

"That was fast!" he says.

"Yeah," I say.

"I'm Josh."

"Neil."

We shake hands.

We exchange a few words that I can't remember.

I tell him about the next part of the experiment and he consents to the use of his name and and photograph.

Yes!

While I'm getting my camera out of my pocket he asks me about my motivation for this. First time someone's used that word before.

I tell him.

I take his picture. First one is fuzzy, and his eyes aren't fully open. I take another. I show it to him and he says it's good.

This is his picture.