I don't want to do the experiment today.
I've been in the office all day, writing code and reading. I haven't been very social, and because of the type of work I've been doing, my "social mode" is turned off. I don't want to turn it on. It's the same kind of feeling I feel when I don't want to exercise.
I thought about going out for coffee in the morning, but instead got straight to work. I thought about going out for lunch, but instead ate the food I brought. As a result, I haven't been outside, so I haven't met any strangers. And it's getting dark.
Usually I approach people in the late morning or early afternoon when it's light out (Olivia was an exception), when they're sitting down (Woori was an exception), perhaps having coffee or food, or are in that kind of environment, and not actively engaged in conversation, or anything else, with another person.
To get myself started, I leave the office to take something to my car. I'm kind of on the lookout for a participant, but am trepidatious. I feel like, if I approach someone, I will be inconveniencing them, getting in their way, making them uncomfortable, potentially angering them, or creating an awkward situation. This is the same bundle of feelings and worries I had when I was in foreign countries and wanted to interact with strangers who (I assumed) didn't speak English well. This is that same kind of doubt, of trepidation, a little package of shyness, fear, shame, guilt, and assumptions.
Part of this is where I am coming from; as I said, I've been non-social all day. Somehow this has me in a mindset where I see myself and others differently, like something about me, right now, is more likely to make the interactions not go well. Is my image of myself in this moment not as high as it is at other times?
Also, there's the darkness. I feel like it's going to be more difficult to approach someone and make eye contact with them now that it's becoming nighttime. I feel like people are going to be in more of a hurry, more suspicious of me when I approach them, especially with something unusual.
Nevertheless. I grab my things and leave the office, walking towards the downtown area. My plan, tonight, is to look for someone who I think will be willing to make eye contact with me. Given my current mode, and the two rejections yesterday, as long as I am going to do this, it would be nice to actually make eye contact with someone.
Less than two blocks away I arrive on a main commercial street. I pause at a corner and a woman walks past me. She looks at me as she passes. Her eyes seem to smile. I'm about to continue on, but I turn around, and she's waiting to cross the street, looking away from me. She's the one. Go.
"Excuse me."
She turns and faces me, saying "Don't ask me for directions!" in what I perceive to be a playful, open tone.
"I'm not going to," I reply.
This time I do not use my "This may be a bit unusual" intro. Instead, I start with the experiment:
"I am doing an experiment in which every day I make eye contact with a stranger for 60 seconds. Is this something you'd be willing to do?"
"Sure!"
She sounds enthusiastic ~ yay!
We walk to some nearby tables. (We both seemed to be on the same page about going there to sit down for this, a first.) On the way she asks why I'm doing this (everyone's favorite question!) and I tell her we'll talk about it after we do it.
We sit down and I pull out my timer and explain how it works. This time I don't explain the parameters while looking at her, because I'm busy fiddling with the timer. The display is different from what it usually looks like, and I'm not sure if it's still set correctly. I test it a bit and it seems OK, so we begin.
Her eyes are smiling the whole time. She seems very happy. She seems like the kind of person who I'd like to know and would feel comfortable talking with for a while. Interestingly, this is the first time that I feel like the 60 seconds is a long time. Several times during out eye contact I think about the time, wondering if the timer is broken and we're going over 60 seconds, and if I should break the eye contact to check on the timer. I detect that maybe she is thinking that this is going on for a long time, based on the changes in her facial expression, but I'm not sure, cannot read her thoughts of course.
The timer goes off. It was set correctly.
"Well, that was fast!" she says.
Surprisingly, we had different interpretations of that length of time!
I share my perspective with her. We talk for a little while, about various things: her perception of the time, how she regularly does 20 minute meditations (and that seems like a long time!), my motivations for doing this experiment, including getting comfortable talking with strangers, being vulnerable, getting rejected, just seeing what happens, and writing practice via the blog documenting the project. Mentioning the blog is my segue into asking if I can use her name and photograph, to which she consents!
We also talk about some of my previous experiences, which I have not done with any participants before. I share with her about yesterday's rejections and some of the different circumstances of the day, and some other interesting tidbits of other interactions.
I snap her photo and ask her name.
"Claudia," she tells me.
This is the first time I take the photo before getting the name.
I give her a leave-behind with the blog URL.
We talk a bit more, then she wishes me well with the project and says she'll check out the blog when she gets home.
Claudia, I hope you do! It was so nice to meet you. Thanks for participating and turning my mood around today.
P.S. What's your hometown? Do you not live in Victoria?