It's morning in my office and as I walk into the kitchen a coworker who I haven't met before greets me and compliments my scarf.
I thank her for the compliment and jump on the opportunity invite her to make eye contact with me. (I ask her if she has about three minutes to spare, she says she does, and then I ask her if she'll make eye contact with me.)
Asking someone to participate in this activity is unusual in a place like a coffee shop, but I'm used to it now. However, it feels, and has always felt, more unusual and vulnerable to ask someone to do this in a workplace/professional setting. (Although the evidence suggests that it's not so weird at all: every one of my workplace invitations has been a positive experience. This could also be attributed to the kinds of places where I work (coworking spaces) and the kinds of people who those spaces attract.)
She brings her coffee and we sit down on the couches and make eye contact.
We have a long, interesting conversation after the session that touches on many topics. Grace shares how her mother raised her to make strong eye contact and communicate with her eyes, so this is not an unusual or uncomfortable experience for her. I talk share how eye contact wasn't super-important to me earlier in life, but it is increasingly so now. I also share how eye contact (the "cabeceo") is used in Argentinean tango culture to invite another person to dance and to accept or reject that invitation. We talk about culture and communication and get to know each other a bit.
We finally get around to snapping Grace's photo
and she introduces me to her team before I return to my desk.