Today I want to ask a guy to make eye contact with me.
But there will be no eye contact.
I go to the coffee shop in the morning. I bring my camera with me but the battery dies. I like to have the option to take participant portraits, so I don't ask anymore. The vibe in the coffee shop feels like this would be awkward to do there, anyway. (But why should that stop me?)
My camera is charged and I take it to lunch. I see a guy who I contemplate asking but decide not to ask him. I just want to eat. So I walk back to my office.
I don't really go out for the rest of the day. And I stay at work late. It's been a long day and now I just want to be left alone. As I leave work I think about going to a bar and asking someone there. But I don't. I don't want to.
I think that bouldering on the way home may help my mood. There's a small common area with chairs and cubby holes for people to store their things. I've never really hung out there but I've seen other people there. I've thought about asking someone at the climbing gym before. The common area may be the most convenient space in which to do it. It may also be my last chance to make this happen today.
I arrive at the climbing gym and bring my timer and camera inside with me. Usually, I don't bring anything. After some bouldering I sit in the common area. It's late at night and the gym is about to close. There aren't many people here, and those who are here aren't packing up. I mark some opportunities, some people who I consider approaching, but decide not to approach any of them. All of them are just to far out of my current comfort zone for me to approach them.
I leave the gym and go home. That's it. I'm not making eye contact with anyone today. I push myself, challenge myself, every damned day. Today is a day to forgive myself. But I still want to do something, have something to write. So I make eye contact with Rilakkuma.
I set the timer and everything. We don't look away and we don't speak.
After having made eye contact with a stranger every day (-1) for almost three weeks, it's so clear how different this is. I love Rilakkuma, but there isn't life in his eyes. Even when you are looking into the eyes of another person and they are looking at you, even if you're not moving, something is moving. There is motion. And Riku's eyes are so large and far apart. It's challenging to look into one of his eyes. It's so black. I find myself looking at his face, mostly. At his nose and mouth.
The timer expires.
This was silly, but I'm glad I did it.
Time to go to bed.