This one bends the rules.
I have been trying to find a particular coffee shop near my office. I think I know where it is, but two times I've looked for it and two times I haven't found it. Today, before I start work, I am going to it.
I bring my timer with me, because that's what I do now. I'm not intending to make eye contact with someone on this outing, but you never know. I like to always be prepared.
Turns out I've walked right passed it on both previous attempts. I knew exactly where it was, I just didn't see the sign.
So I go in, order an Americano, and sit at the bar by the window. I consider asking the woman to my right, but don't decide to do it, and she leaves. I consider asking the man who is sitting outside the window, but don't, and he leaves. So I just relax and don't intend to ask anyone.
A woman approaches the seat to my right and compliments my hair. I start talking with her, and her lunch companion joins us.
Their names are Catherine and Jeff.
We have a lovely conversation about all kinds of interesting topics.
Here is where I bend the rules. I want to make eye contact with Jeff. (I'm interested in making eye contact with Catherine, too, but I prefer to ask only one of them (I don't know why, I just do) and I prefer Jeff because he's a guy, and men are more challenging for me to ask than women.
But Jeff and Catherine aren't strangers. They aren't people I met because of LMEC. We met because she started a conversation with me, and now we "know each other" because we've been talking for a while. (I don't know exactly how long. Five, maybe 10 minutes?)
Asking Jeff isn't going to be the same as approaching and inviting a complete stranger. The challenge of those interactions are a significant part of this experiment for me. I am positive Jeff is going to say "yes." I know he's the kind of guy who will be into this experience.
However, I am going to bend the strict "strangers only" rule this time because (1) we're still in the middle of our first encounter and (2) I haven't done this permutation of the experiment conditions yet.
So I ask him if he'll participate, and he consents.
Catherine and I swap chairs so that I'm sitting right next to Jeff. This is the closest I've been to someone during the eye contact phase.
We begin making eye contact. I'm a little uncomfortable this time. Not a lot, but a little. Actually, I'm in my head. I think about my posture, about focusing on his eyes. I'm aware of my gaze focusing on one eye or another. I'm not inhabiting the space between us, I'm not "in" him. I don't get lost in our eye contact, or feel that I'm connected to him. I don't feel like I'm empathizing with him. I'm present, but closed. I don't dislike the experience we're sharing, but I'm not settled into it or effortlessly comfortable, either.
I think part of the reason I'm uncomfortable and in my head is that we've already done "so much" talking before commencing the experiment. Catherine and Jeff are people with whom I'm connecting on an intellectual, creative level. This doesn't happen often. I put a lot of value in what they say. Despite their words of praise, I'm self-conscious. Perhaps I'm just excited to be having intellectually stimulating conversation with people who have a lot to say.
We're done, and we continue to talk for a while.
I receive Jeff's consent to use his name and photograph and I take his picture.
We talk more. Jeff and I make plans to walk around the lake tomorrow morning.
It's time for all of us to head back to work. We exchange hugs and leave the coffee shop, walking in opposite directions.