Every day when I walk into the office I am greeted with brief a charming smile and a nod from this fellow who sits at a desk facing the door.
As far as I can recall, this has been happening for the last two weeks.
Earlier this week it occurred to me to ask him to make eye contact with me.
We haven't spoken more words to each other than "hello" so while we're not 100% strangers we're still essentially strangers. Since we haven't been introduced nor had a conversation with each other, this satisfies my criteria of counting our interaction towards my daily eye contact practice.
So this morning I come into the office, put down my things at my desk, and walk over to him.
"Hey! Can I interrupt you for a few minutes?"
"Sure."
"Will you make eye contact with me for 60 seconds?"
Boom. Straight for it. No "unusual request" or "I'm doing an experiment" lead-in.
"Of course!"
What a delightful response!
"Great. I'll tell you what it's about afterwards."
I wish I hadn't said this. Why can't it just be about wanting to make eye contact, to connect, with another person?
Anyway, I start the timer and we begin.
I feel like I could get lost in this man's gaze. Immediately I felt relaxed and like we sank into that zone where the distance between us closes and we're both inhabiting the space between where our physical bodies are. His gaze is warm, caring, empathetic, and very steady, reliable.
After we're done we get introduced. His name is Onur.
Now I tell him about the experiment, or rather, my daily practice. He asks me how people respond and I share some of my experiences with him. We talk about how people in different cities and cultures have different eye contact practices. I tell him that it's not difficult for me to make eye contact with people when passing them on the street in Victoria and Portland. However, in Seattle people do not tend to make eye contact. Onur says that Canadians are not generally adverse to making eye contact.
My experience in Tokyo and Seoul is that people really do not make eye contact (with me, anyway). I am sure there are many reasons for this, and perhaps one reason is that because those cities are more crowded people therefore have less personal space, and to make eye contact with someone is to be in their personal space. If making eye contact with a stranger may be considered an invasion of their already limited personal space, perhaps that is why it is avoided.
Onur tells me that many people in Turkey will make eye contact on the street. I already want to go to Turkey, and hearing this makes me want to go there even more.
He consents to the use of his name and photograph, so I take his picture.
My reasons for asking specific people to make eye contact with me vary. Sometimes I am testing an assumption or hypothesis, like "I believe this person will reject me." Sometimes I ask because I realize that the thought of asking makes me nervous, so I confront that. Sometimes I ask a person because I am attracted to something about them.
This time, with Onur, my motivation was simple: I just wanted to make eye contact with him. I thought he would make delightful eye contact. And I was right.